i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize