I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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