she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
