You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize