Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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