Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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