i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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