u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
