My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
