I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
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After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
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Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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