You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize