So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
