Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
