i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
