I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
