I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize