So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
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I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
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Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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