I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
