He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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