Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
