I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
