Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
