Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
