Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
