I must be too annoying 4 u.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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