six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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