your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
