theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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