yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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