Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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