Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
