Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
