She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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