One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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