shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
