I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
