ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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