my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
