Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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