So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
