does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
