He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
