...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
