There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
