I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
