I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
