do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
