So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
