we have officially mastered the walk of shame
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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