Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
