It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
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He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
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Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Shame - the story of my life.
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