We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
