went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
