I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
