Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
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I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
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There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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