Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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