im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
