Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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