I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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