so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
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when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
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I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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