You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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