At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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