There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.