You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.