If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.