What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.