Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.

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  (631): I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens. http://tfl.nu/64xb
  Replies (43) Good night (4445) Bad night (865)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  "Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move

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  (601): "Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move http://tfl.nu/qn14
  Replies (10) Good night (1208) Bad night (3411)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.

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  (512): He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club. http://tfl.nu/qxuv
  Replies (16) Good night (1287) Bad night (3304)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator

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  (703): Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator http://tfl.nu/f05m
  Replies (7) Good night (2063) Bad night (1916)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.

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  (815): Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous. http://tfl.nu/vjxc
  Replies (14) Good night (3115) Bad night (1528)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time

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  (614): I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time http://tfl.nu/cp50
  Replies (3) Good night (646) Bad night (2326)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325

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  (910): Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly. (910): im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325 http://tfl.nu/vc15
  Replies (26) Good night (1001) Bad night (2538)
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  (845): View more from New York

  You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital

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  (845): You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital http://tfl.nu/w35x
  Replies (7) Good night (878) Bad night (550)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later

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  (319): Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later http://tfl.nu/ccad
  Replies (5) Good night (906) Bad night (670)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.

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  (210): Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often. http://tfl.nu/cowe
  Replies (14) Good night (1015) Bad night (476)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.

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  (423): hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT. http://tfl.nu/qhme
  Replies (5) Good night (1865) Bad night (518)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.

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  (734): Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday. http://tfl.nu/wg8e
  Replies (3) Good night (597) Bad night (376)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.

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  (801): I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future. http://tfl.nu/z13j
  Replies (2) Good night (926) Bad night (343)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid

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  (604): Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid http://tfl.nu/spz2
  Replies (1) Good night (688) Bad night (392)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.

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  (412): I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls. http://tfl.nu/kdxo
  Replies (1) Good night (619) Bad night (405)

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