Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
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at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
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I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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