I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
