dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
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he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
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How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.