One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS