the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
