I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize