The brown eye won't let me do that either.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
