can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
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I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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