I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize