i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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