The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
