Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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