Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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