I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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