update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
