I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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