Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
