Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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