dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
