If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
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I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
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getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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